the sex talk…

So. Apparently, M1 (in Yr 7, at a Christian School), has been having ‘life ed.’ lessons during her science classes lately.

Of course, the nursey “oh my gosh let’s talk anatomy” streak that I have, came out in full force.

Poor kid.

Anyway – so I asked her what they had discussed in class. Apparently it was all about splitting the boys and girls, and making lists of what they would look for in a boy/girl-friend. Not surprisingly M1 did NOT have a view on this  (“Mum- I’m just not interested in them” – good girl – keep it that way until you are 40).

Here’s the girls’ list (of what they thought a boyfriend should be)…

  • caring
  • respectful
  • nice smile
  • nice
  • smell good
  • rich
  • good hair
  • no stinky breath
  • likes to go shopping, and doesn’t whinge about it (I interjected here with a ‘WOW – good to see the girls have the important stuff worked out”. M1 clammed up, so I had to rapidly back track and let her know that yes – keep talking – I will not interrupt with my thoughts again….)
  • is a good cook
  • ummm – that was pretty much it.

WHAT the What!

How about – respectful, excellent academically (so he can do your homework you can politely discuss philosophy and politics), good sportsperson, spunky, broad shouldered, nice legs…. oops…. off track a little.

Anyway….. we continued chatting, and got to part about the eggs and the tubes (“fallopian?”, I interjected) and the fish (“sperm?”). Then we skipped to the babies.


“How do the babies happen Madison?”

At this point, she cowered in the car, as far away from me as she could get!!!

Poor kid.

So then I launched into “penis, vagina, penis, vagina”….. in a singsong voice.

“Go on Madison – say it”!

At least it made her smile, engage and relax.

So – we finished our conversation, and I filled in the very large gaps with my extensive and enthusiastic anatomical knowledge. (once again – poor kid!)

Then I hear some giggling from the backseat.

Milla and Murph are giggle and whispering “penis vagina penis vagina” and pointing in the vicinity of their crotch regions.

Then Murph says “cock-a-doodle-dooooo”.  “It’s got the WORD in it”, they whispered to each other, convulsing in giggles.

There was very nearly a car accident.

WHY is my child talking about ‘cocks’. What is she being taught at her Christian school?

Then it dawned on me.

“DOODLE”.  They were talking about doodles.


And that, my friends, is how the sex talk ended.

Now, when Madison is cranky (which, let’s face it – is a whole lot – due to a recent growth spurt, age and meandering hormones), I sing…. “peninsvaginapenisvagina”, and she can’t help but giggle.  It’s certainly a mood-changer!  Go on – give it a shot!

Kylieclark 04122015

Butter wouldn’t melt……..

Tell me – have you had the sex talk?

Do you mercilessly tease your daughter with “penisvaginapenisvagina”, or some other song!


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